flaw: i hold grudges



im so fucking tired of everything. i cant even have energy to do something about it. ive given up but i dont want to. I want to feel bette and i want to be better. im just lost as how to do that. a new body and or life would be perfect at a time like this. 



stop itching.

my grandmom just had a heart attack today and i literally have been in a daze ever since i found out. Everything came like a bullet. alll the memories just me. the last time i saw her what we did what i said to her. it all came crashing into me. and your mind and body doesnt even realize it i feel. i felt like a zombie with watery eyes for a good hour. luckily i PRAY TO GOD that i really think she will be okay for now. its was just such a scary thought. and feeling no words fully describe how i felt. i love my grandmom with everything of me and i always will. and breathe woop. 

i wonder if im not doing what i love. and i also wonder is it because im not doing it i dont love it and im not supposed to do it..